


Dark Thoughts

by Kit_Kat92



Category: The Hobbit
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-23
Updated: 2013-02-24
Packaged: 2017-12-03 08:58:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/696547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kit_Kat92/pseuds/Kit_Kat92
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bilbo only wanted to keep his family safe, why couldn't Thorin see that?</p><p>Now Bilbo is lost to be a wanderer? or will his loved ones save him?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Banishment

This is an AU, this will get dark, and I have no regrets.

Reviews are most welcome, please I need to hear your thoughts people! D:

Dark Thoughts

A Fili/Kili/Bilbo fan fic.

Bilbo couldn't feel anything anymore, his entire body had gone numb from the pain that seemed to radiate throughout his entire body. "Betrayer! You lying thief! Get OUT! OUT! Before I RUN YOU THROUGH!"

Those were the words that kept ringing through his head as Bilbo started to wander away from the camps. They had won the war, but at a terrible price, Thorin, Fili, and Kili had all been grievously wounded. Bilbo had fought along side them with the ring on, he feared that even if he was trying to help them Thorin would run him through right there and then. Fili and Kili had not thought of Bilbo as a betrayer, and they had protested to their uncle when he had threatened to take Bilbo's life there atop the mountain. Only to be silence by Thorin's blinded rage over the Arkentstone. Bilbo still couldn't believe after saving Thorin's life countless times that the dwarf still couldn't see that all Bilbo had wanted to do was help them survive and find their home again.

And now he had surely lost the love of his two most favorite dwarves…Fili and Kili. Never being able to see them again or if they had even survived their wounds. Bilbo had thought that he had found his family at long last. Being alone over the years since his parents death had a terrible toll on Bilbo. While he wasn't abnormal or anything for a hobbit, he was still considered a bit weird around the Shire.

The Shire. Bilbo shuddered to think what would happen if he came home…would they banish him from there too? For just suddenly upping and leaving? Bilbo's chest tightened at the thought of never ever again having a home, not matter how empty it would seem since he would most likely never ever see Fili and Kili again. Tears formed in his eyes and they slowly rolled down his cheeks. Bilbo hadn't gotten far from the camp when Gandalf appeared next to him, gently clearing his throat. That made Bilbo jump a little bit and look up,

"Oh..Gandalf…its you.." Bilbo's voice sounded disappointed at seeing the old wizard.

Gandalf just frowned and said nothing while walking alongside Bilbo. Though after a few minutes he said,

"I'm very sorry my dear Bilbo…Give it time, I'm sure Thorin will recover from his gold sickness…"

Bilbo looked at Gandalf sharply, a scowl across his face as fresh tears started to roll down them.

"Time? I highly doubt time would or will change anything…..I meant nothing to them at all…none of the others tried to reason with Thorin. They just stayed back and let him yell and threaten me…I know Fili and Kili tried to reason with him…but apparently they didn't care enough to fight more….I just want to go home Gandalf…please.."

Bilbo had many dark thoughts enter his mind, he really did mean nothing to the company. If no one tried any harder to fight for him. Bilbo felt so foolish for thinking that he had found a new home….a family….apparently all he was really good for was burglaring and a quick romp in a bed…Bilbo's heart started to ache terribly as he choked down a sob and tried not to cry. Memories of laughing with everyone and sharing good times especially with the two Durin brothers who had some how managed to mine their way into his heart.

Though apparently he hadn't made it successfully into theirs…that thought about just being used tore him apart inside. While in the back of his mind some small logic whispered to him that he HAD meant something to the brothers and the rest of the company. For he knew all to well how stubborn Thorin could get. For Aule's sake, it had taken half the journey for him to finally trust and think Bilbo as an asset instead of a burden.

Gandalf nodded his head and walked with Bilbo, he would make sure that the Hobbit would make it safely back home. After walking a ways, they had come upon a small town where Gandalf procured some rooms at an inn for the night. Bilbo had expressed that he just wanted to be left alone and Gandalf had agreed but mentioned that he would be right next door just in case Bilbo would need something or someone to talk to.

Bilbo thanked the old wizard before going to his room and closing the door behind him. Then and only then did he break down and fall to the floor. Broken sobs pouring out of him and shaking his small frame as if he had some great chills. Large fat tears rolled down his face and snot fell from his nose as Bilbo sobbed and poured out all of his heartbreak. He had loved the Durin brothers so much that it physically hurt him knowing that he could never see them again. His entire chest ached and tightened with every fleeting memory of them together. Bilbo could barely breath and he knew that he had to somehow gain control over himself. He tried to forget to purge his mind of everything, but to no avail. His emotions were stronger and his love still, even at the thought of being forgotten by the ones who he loved most. Eventually sleep overtook him, Bilbo laid on the floor sleeping while his breathing would hitch occasionally due to his hyperventilating earlier.

Back at the war camps, Thorin, Fili, and Kili had begun to wake up from their wounds. The healers had said that with time they would heal and continue to live. Much to everyones relief, though everyone turned sad when the two Princes asked about the halfing. Thorin just glared at them from his sick bed, he was still very upset with the hobbit. He couldn't begin to forgive him, and he absoloutly refuse's to let his nephews go after such a worthless creature. Thorin knew well how much Fili and Kili cared for the halfling. He knew all to well how much they loved him...but the gold sickness was still blinding him to everything. Much to Fili and Kili's dispair... They knew they wouldn't be allowed to go and find Bilbo after they had healed... But that didn't mean they wouldn't try. Fili already regretted not fighting against his uncle harder along with Kili. They hadn't had much time before as they were still getting to know each other and then the war came upon them along with the Arkenstone incident. Thought Fili and Kili knew that Bilbo was their one, dwarves only loved once and when they did it was hard for them to be parted for long. Fili would think of someway to get himself and his brother back to their One...he only hoped that Bilbo wasn't suffering too much...Balin had told him that Bilbo was alive at least, but was nowhere to be seen around camp. Thorin had the nerve to say that he had probably slinked back to his worthless hole of a home.

Fili had never ever had ill feelings towards his uncle before but after hearing what his uncle had just said he snapped. He ended up yelling and cursing at his uncle, eventually healers had to come inside the tent to sedate him in order to make sure his wounds healed properly. Kili needed the same after yelling at Thorin, who was shocked overall to see that his nephews still cared so much about such a worthless creature...he thought that they too thought Bilbo a betrayer. Even if the halfling claimed to have only taken the Arkenstone to save their lives. Thorin was just too consumed with his greed to let any sort of logic into his brain. That night Thorin had a fitful sleep, he dreamt about his nephews being dead...and the halfling as well. It confused him to no end and eventually he just stayed awake, trying to get the hobbit off his mind. He refused to acknowledge any form of guilt. Though Thorin was slowly getting over his sickness with out even realizing it.


	2. The Wanderer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bilbo starts to just wander about, Fili and Kili heal. Thorin is an Ass.

Bilbo woke up late that next morning, his eyes heavy from crying and his entire body ached from falling asleep on the floor. Gandalf had woken him up and moved Bilbo to the bed.

"What you need now my friend is to rest, don't worry I can pay for the rooms and we will stay here for a few days untill you have regained your strength. Now stay here and I will get some food." he said in a firm but gentle tone of voice before covering Bilbo up with the blankets. 

After Gandalf had left to fetch some water and food, Bilbo couldn't help but think back to Fili and Kili. He hoped to the Valar that they were alright....he only wished that he would've been able to see them one last time...but knew that if he had stayed in that camp once Thorin had woken up. That he would've surely been killed.... that train of thought ran a shiver up and down his spine. He still couldn't really understand why the gold sickness had overtaken Thorin so badly... 

Bilbo knew all to well what Thorin had gone through...watching his grandfather and father before him sucummb to the same sickness and he too feared of falling to the same fate. Bilbo had thought that he would've been different...would've realized that all Bilbo was trying to do was save the people he had come to call family...people that had accepted him for who he was...not for what he owned or his status or anything... it hurt like hell to realize that he wasn't thought of in that way at all.... they really truly didn't care for the halfling.

Gandalf had tried to tell Bilbo differently but Bilbo refused to believe such nonesense...he had been banished and no one had even fought for him. No one had dared to stand up to their king...their leader to tell him he was being an ass and blinded by the treasure. Bilbo understood though...that they just couldn't have...Thorin was their leader and King after all. But it still hurt just the same....Bilbo had been alone before this cursed adventure had come to pass. But this feeling of being alone was worse than what it had been back at the Shire! Back then Bilbo had not made life long friendships or relationships like he had with the dwarves and the Durin brothers or Thorin...

He hadn't become attached to a group or person or people, only to have them torn away from you immediatly after. That feeling of loneliness...of abandonment...had cut a deeper gash in his heart and soul than anything Bilbo had experienced before. Tears came back to his eyes as he silently wept over the loss of friends and family.

 

 

Fili and Kili were trying to fight off Dwalin, Oin, Nori, Dori, and a few other healers. They were trying to get out of bed in order to find Bilbo, their One, their hobbit. Wether or not their Uncle liked it or gave them permission to do so. Both of the brothers wouldn't stand to be under their uncle's rule one minute longer. Not if he was going to be an ass hole about the whole arkenstone incident! Bilbo had only done that to save them and the others, Thorin included! But all Thorin had seen was betrayal...Fili and Kili had wanted to stop their uncle but feared for themselves as well..and it brought shame to them not being able to help their One. Thinking back on it now they wished that things would've been done differently...but you can't change the past now can you?

"LET ME GO!!! I'M NOT GOING TO STAND BEING HERE FOR ONE MORE MINUTE!" cried Fili as he tried to stand up but was repeatedly pushed back down on the cot and told to be still so the healers could bandage their wounds.

"IF HE'S GOING TO BE SUCH AN ASS ABOUT THIS THEN I DON'T WANT TO LIVE HERE EITHER!" cired Kili who was fighting off the healers as well.

"Would the two of ye just sit down and be treated?! We all know that you want to go after yer One! but ye wouldn't last more than a minute out there by yourselves! With yer wounds an all.." said Bofur who had come into the prince's tent to see how they were doing.

That had shut Fili and Kili up, for they didn't want to not be able to see their hobbit ever again...they had to apologize and try to win Bilbo back...for all their shame.

"What's Thorin been doing?" asked Dwalin after making sure both of the brothers wouldn't get up again to fight their way out of camp in order to find Bilbo.

"What do you think? He's still gold obsessed and refusing anyone to mention Bilbo...not the elves...or men."

"Someone needs to punch some sense into him or something..." muttered Dwalin.

Though everyone knew that it would never happen, because then they all would be nomads once again, with nowhere to call home. And no one in the company wanted to lose their home ever again. But each had a rather large hole in their chest with their burglar no longer with them. Bilbo might not have noticed it but they had all come to like him in their own way, he had been one of them or at least had been.

Fili and Kili had it the worst though...being Bilbo's lovers and One... all they could do while their uncle sputtered at him how much of a betrayer he was and how if he would run him through right then and there if Gandalf hadn't intervened.

Their dreams were haunted by a dead Bilbo with their uncles sword and axe run through him....at how horrible Bilbo had looked when told to leave and never to return...the hurt that had spread across his face haunted the brothers and all they wanted to do was forsake their birthright and their home and just find him and beg for his forgiveness. If Bilbo however never forgave them then they would die right then and there. For they both had no desire to live with out their hobbit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's where I'm going to leave it at! mwahahahhaha!!!
> 
> Please tell me what you think! :D


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